wediquette: the envelope please...

Periodically Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):

Q: How can I appropriately address envelopes without addressing women by their husband's first name? Call me a feminist, but even if I were adopting my partner's last name (which I'm not), the idea of ever being called Mrs. HIM just gives me shudders. Is it appropriate to address a married couple as (for example): Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe? Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe? The Doe Family?
--LBG

A: The most correct is "The Doe Family", though I'm also fond of "Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe", it's not Peggy Post approved but it sounds fluid. "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Doe" is a little too tricky.
How do you feel about simply "Mr. & Mrs. Doe" and then writing "John and Jane" on the inner envelope? For couples who have kept their maiden names I suggest "The Smith-Doe Family".
For women with professional titles, I personally refuse to remove their title simply because they are married. In that instance I usually suggest people write
"Mr. John and Dr. Jane Doe". I hope that was helpful!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid

*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".