on good thoughts and good presents

hello all -- have been thinking a lot about a comment i saw this evening on my little guest post at offbeatbride, and wanted to write some thoughts --

the heart of the comment is this:
...I was a little disturbed by the commercialism of this post (even if it is lovable etsy commercialism)...

my first instinctive response was: {slight defensive crossing of arms} but... did they read the original question? nice person writes in wanting to know what she could spend $20-$70 on to give as a gift. and... did they read the whole post, where i took pains to say you could donate to an activist cause, or make something, or give your time or service, or give a photo or something small and meaningful? of *course* you don't have to spend $20-70 per person, everyone is different, and that's the whole point {defensive muttering}.

that all took a good half a minute. but it started me thinking: my chirpy little post *is* commercial. even though the question i was asked to respond to called for it. in fact, this whole blog is blatantly commercial, "lovable etsy commercialism" notwithstanding. it prompts us to contemplate the wants and desires and the drive to spend and to sell.

a truly eco-conscious or handmade wedding probably dispenses with a lot of the paper goods and extra little items and flourishes below. where does the line of too commercial get drawn? when does reading wedding blogs and making inspiration boards and plotting your purchases cross the line into ostentation or consumerism? i know i've been trying in my own life to simplify and to not overindulge in retail therapy. yet i encourage you all every day to consider this shiny thing, and this, and this.

i think two points can be made.

1. it's YOUR wedding. only YOU (or your domineering bridemaidzilla sister, natch!) can know what's right for you, so why not try to embrace it rather than compare it with what other people do? easier said than done, but there's no need to feel strange or disturbed for doing what works best for you (so long as it doesn't actually hurt anyone, of course!). small gift, no gift, custom pink cadillacs for all -- as i said in the post, the people who love you aren't there for the freebies. they're there for *you*.

2. you don't *need* this stuff. it's stuff! the basic assumption of this blog is, if you're already planning to go out and spend your hard-earned local currency on wedding things, let it go to indie designers, artists, craftspeople, creative thinkers, small businesses, local folks. let it enable someone to quit her day job and dream big.

part of why i write this blog is that i desperately miss the arts community i was getting involved in in boston, and i'm trying in some small way to connect with a community of people who make things. a huge awkward part of being an artist is selling your work, promoting it and getting people to value it and choose it over the other mass-produced stuff that's out there. that's the commercial enterprise here. look at this amazing stuff! aren't people talented? why can't we take a $70-90 billion industry and steer more of it into artists' pockets? don't doubt etsy is a commercial enterprise -- their 4-week handmade wedding series increased business *57%* in the wedding category. good for etsy, true, but also good for a lot of really cool folks.

(btw, if i sound judgmental of the monogrammed sheets from pottery barn, i apologize -- if you love them, there's no shame in that either! that just doesn't happen to be what i write about.)

this is at its core a shopping blog, which is weird (to me). reading these blogs, it's hard not to feel some emotional tug of i wish or i want or who can afford all this. i totally understand where this commenter is coming from -- does it all have to be something purchased? heck no. and i thank her sincerely for emphasizing a point i may not have made clear.

the one thing i do feel strongly: it would be *nice* to do something for your wedding party. if you have asked people to make any sort of gift to you, of their time, their assistance, their money in purchasing a particular outfit or a plane ticket or a registry item, the very least you would send is a thank-you note. it seems the least you would do for your best men and women would be to think of some (free even!) meaningful gesture to say a gracious thank you. i stand by the spirit of the original post.

end late-night philosphical musing.