wedding anniversary gift guide

Can we please talk about this? We need to talk about this.

1st- Clocks or Paper
2nd- China
3rd- Crystal or Glass
4th- Electrical Appliances
5th- Silverware
6th- Wood or Iron
7th- Copper, Bronze or Brass Desk Sets
8th- Linen or Lace
9th- Leather
10th- Diamond Jewelry, Tin or Aluminum
11th- Fashion Jewelry or Steel
12th- Colored Gemstones or Pearls
13th- Textiles or Fur
14th- Ivory or Gold Jewelry
15th- Crystal, Quartz or Watches
16th- Silver Hollowware
17th- Furniture
18th- Porcelain
19th- Bronze
20th- Platinum
25th- Silver Jubilee
30th- Pearl or Diamond
35th- Jade or Coral
40th- Ruby
45th- Sapphire
50th- Golden Jubilee
55th- Emerald
60th- Diamond Jubilee

First of all, let me just start by saying that this whole "gift guide" thing makes no sense to me. Who is this guide for? Husbands? Wives? Children of husbands and wives?

Second, the tenth anniversary. What's up with that? I either get some diamonds or... a can of Campbell's soup? A roll of aluminium foil? I don't understand the options there.

Third. Did DeBeers pay Emily Post to get diamonds on the list THREE times?

Fourth. If I even get a toilet for my eighteenth wedding anniversary, I'm going to be upset. DELL? Are you listening?

E. Why do I get platinium on the 20th year, yet I get down graded to silver on the 25th?

Sixth. What the hell is "holloware"? And why do I have to be married for 16 years to get it?

Seventh. A brass desk set doesn't really say "Happy seventh anniversary" to me.

Last. If I get small appliances from my husband for ANY holidays, milestones or anniversaries, you can bet I'll be a little bummed. No irons, no microwaves, no hot plates, no curling irons, no hairdryers, no coffee makers. As a general rule, I'd say that if it heats up when you plug it in, I don't want it on my anniversary from my husband.