Periodically Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: How can I appropriately address envelopes without addressing women by their husband's first name? Call me a feminist, but even if I were adopting my partner's last name (which I'm not), the idea of ever being called Mrs. HIM just gives me shudders. Is it appropriate to address a married couple as (for example): Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe? Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe? The Doe Family?
--LBG
A: The most correct is "The Doe Family", though I'm also fond of "Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe", it's not Peggy Post approved but it sounds fluid. "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Doe" is a little too tricky.
How do you feel about simply "Mr. & Mrs. Doe" and then writing "John and Jane" on the inner envelope? For couples who have kept their maiden names I suggest "The Smith-Doe Family".
For women with professional titles, I personally refuse to remove their title simply because they are married. In that instance I usually suggest people write
"Mr. John and Dr. Jane Doe". I hope that was helpful!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
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Showing posts with label wediquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wediquette. Show all posts
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
weddiquette: keeping kosher
Periodically Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: I know that this is pre-mature, since I won't be getting married for another 2 years, but my wedding has to be Kosher, and I cannot find any sites about who to go to and what needs to be done for a Kosher wedding. My mother and I are both clueless since she is Christian and I am reform (Jewish), and had never planned on having a Kosher wedding, but because of my groom, it has to be done.
I know that the meal will be Kosher, but what about the cake? So, do you have any advice?
--Kathryn
A: The Kosher issue is tricky, but it's not as hard as you would imagine. Depending on where you are located and if you have a venue selected already or not, your process will differ slightly. This also assumes you are having a Saturday evening wedding.
Generally here is how it works: Either you are working with a space that is open to outside caterers or a venue with on-site catering. If you know in advance that you are going to need Kosher, you should start looking for venues that allow off-site caterers in. I think it works out more economically and often affords you more choice in WHO your Kosher caterer is.
If you have your reception facility booked already, you should start by asking your location for their recommendation/required kosher vendor. You should ask for the menu offered at your particular venue and move from there. Typically venues will have a preferred or required Kosher caterer and often they have a set menu that mirrors the menu offered at your venue.
If you are booking a space and then looking for an outside Kosher Caterer, then the world is your oyster, because you can design a menu around the season and your tastes, just as you would with any other kind of catering (with Kosher Provisions in mind).
Kosher food has a reputation for being bad, but it simply depends on HOW the caterer works and what you serve. Certain cuts of beef just simply aren't as good, because they are imitations of the "real" cut, and a good caterer will steer you clear of those and make recommendations that are really quite delicious. Additionally, nothing on the wedding can START until after sundown, so keep that in mind as you are planning. So often BAD kosher catering is prepared on a Friday afternoon and re-heated after sundown on Saturday. Thus the reputation for overcooked items. One of the things you should ask is WHEN they cook most of their food. Prep is fine the day prior, but cooking should happen that evening.
If you are in the New York area, I strongly suggest Foremost Caterers. Not only do they provide a Kosher meal, it is absolutely some of the BEST off premise food that I've ever tasted. It is imaginative, hip, pretty and the service is wonderful.
In terms of the cake, anything that you ask your caterer to serve (including wines and champagnes) must be Kosher. This means that the cake must be Pareve. A lot of people don't like Pareve baked goods, (I personally LOVE them). Discuss the option of serving another tasty dessert (a fruit tart, etc) as an alternative for those guests who aren't such big fans of Pareve.--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: I know that this is pre-mature, since I won't be getting married for another 2 years, but my wedding has to be Kosher, and I cannot find any sites about who to go to and what needs to be done for a Kosher wedding. My mother and I are both clueless since she is Christian and I am reform (Jewish), and had never planned on having a Kosher wedding, but because of my groom, it has to be done.
I know that the meal will be Kosher, but what about the cake? So, do you have any advice?
--Kathryn
A: The Kosher issue is tricky, but it's not as hard as you would imagine. Depending on where you are located and if you have a venue selected already or not, your process will differ slightly. This also assumes you are having a Saturday evening wedding.
Generally here is how it works: Either you are working with a space that is open to outside caterers or a venue with on-site catering. If you know in advance that you are going to need Kosher, you should start looking for venues that allow off-site caterers in. I think it works out more economically and often affords you more choice in WHO your Kosher caterer is.
If you have your reception facility booked already, you should start by asking your location for their recommendation/required kosher vendor. You should ask for the menu offered at your particular venue and move from there. Typically venues will have a preferred or required Kosher caterer and often they have a set menu that mirrors the menu offered at your venue.
If you are booking a space and then looking for an outside Kosher Caterer, then the world is your oyster, because you can design a menu around the season and your tastes, just as you would with any other kind of catering (with Kosher Provisions in mind).
Kosher food has a reputation for being bad, but it simply depends on HOW the caterer works and what you serve. Certain cuts of beef just simply aren't as good, because they are imitations of the "real" cut, and a good caterer will steer you clear of those and make recommendations that are really quite delicious. Additionally, nothing on the wedding can START until after sundown, so keep that in mind as you are planning. So often BAD kosher catering is prepared on a Friday afternoon and re-heated after sundown on Saturday. Thus the reputation for overcooked items. One of the things you should ask is WHEN they cook most of their food. Prep is fine the day prior, but cooking should happen that evening.
If you are in the New York area, I strongly suggest Foremost Caterers. Not only do they provide a Kosher meal, it is absolutely some of the BEST off premise food that I've ever tasted. It is imaginative, hip, pretty and the service is wonderful.
In terms of the cake, anything that you ask your caterer to serve (including wines and champagnes) must be Kosher. This means that the cake must be Pareve. A lot of people don't like Pareve baked goods, (I personally LOVE them). Discuss the option of serving another tasty dessert (a fruit tart, etc) as an alternative for those guests who aren't such big fans of Pareve.--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
wediquette: seating situation
Periodically Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: What is the ediquette for seating divorced parents (with
the Dad having remarried) at the ceremony? My fiance's step-mother
is a big part of his life, so how can we properly honor both his
mom and step-mother - without just sticking his dad between them?
--Pamela
A: The key to recognizing her is to have her take part in your procession.
If you're having a Jewish ceremony, then your step mother should be escorted in by the best man just before your fiance enters with his mother and father or just prior to the bridal party. She should be seated in the second row on the groom's side, and his father would join her in that row once he was down the aisle.
If this is a Christian or non-denominational Christian style ceremony, then your father and his wife would walk down the aisle, followed by the groom's mother escorted by a groomsmen or usher (or I like to substitute this with an uncle or special relative if that's appropriate) followed by the Mother of the Bride escorted by the Bestman, (or usher, important relative or sibling of yours if you have one. Again, the Mother of the groom should sit in the first seat of the first row on the groom's side, with your mother opposite her. Your groom's dad and his wife would sit in the 2nd row in the first two seats.
Sometimes,if divorced parents are particularly coridal,we'll just have them all in the front row together, but that is a comfort level that only you and your fiance would know if it exists!
If you are still concerned about her feeling a bit of a second class citizen, you can also consider adding a reading, but be sure that none of the other mothers feel slighted.--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: What is the ediquette for seating divorced parents (with
the Dad having remarried) at the ceremony? My fiance's step-mother
is a big part of his life, so how can we properly honor both his
mom and step-mother - without just sticking his dad between them?
--Pamela
A: The key to recognizing her is to have her take part in your procession.
If you're having a Jewish ceremony, then your step mother should be escorted in by the best man just before your fiance enters with his mother and father or just prior to the bridal party. She should be seated in the second row on the groom's side, and his father would join her in that row once he was down the aisle.
If this is a Christian or non-denominational Christian style ceremony, then your father and his wife would walk down the aisle, followed by the groom's mother escorted by a groomsmen or usher (or I like to substitute this with an uncle or special relative if that's appropriate) followed by the Mother of the Bride escorted by the Bestman, (or usher, important relative or sibling of yours if you have one. Again, the Mother of the groom should sit in the first seat of the first row on the groom's side, with your mother opposite her. Your groom's dad and his wife would sit in the 2nd row in the first two seats.
Sometimes,if divorced parents are particularly coridal,we'll just have them all in the front row together, but that is a comfort level that only you and your fiance would know if it exists!
If you are still concerned about her feeling a bit of a second class citizen, you can also consider adding a reading, but be sure that none of the other mothers feel slighted.--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Thursday, November 15, 2007
wediquette: mother's rules
Periodically Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: What is the color rule for mothers and mother-in-laws? My future daughter-in-law is having red dresses and I would like to know what color to go with. Do both mothers have to wear the same (long or short) or can one go long and one go short?--Karen
A: There is no rule about length concerning mothers and mother-in-laws, however, the color is the important thing. The MOB should select her dress first, with consideration to the color of the bridesmaid's dresses. Maybe a nice chocolate brown for fall, or a champagne for spring and summer. In winter; black, a deep plum or a navy will look sophisticated and the MOG should follow suit. Should you do browns, then she should shy away from black. She shouldn't necessarily go for the same color, but something that will photograph nicely alongside the other tones. She could go navy or a plum for instance. I think that what should dictate the length is really the formality of the party, and what you feel lovely in!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: What is the color rule for mothers and mother-in-laws? My future daughter-in-law is having red dresses and I would like to know what color to go with. Do both mothers have to wear the same (long or short) or can one go long and one go short?--Karen
A: There is no rule about length concerning mothers and mother-in-laws, however, the color is the important thing. The MOB should select her dress first, with consideration to the color of the bridesmaid's dresses. Maybe a nice chocolate brown for fall, or a champagne for spring and summer. In winter; black, a deep plum or a navy will look sophisticated and the MOG should follow suit. Should you do browns, then she should shy away from black. She shouldn't necessarily go for the same color, but something that will photograph nicely alongside the other tones. She could go navy or a plum for instance. I think that what should dictate the length is really the formality of the party, and what you feel lovely in!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
wediquette: the registry
Every week Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: My daughter will be married in December in a 100 guest wedding of close family and friends. Giuliana and Marcelo told me that they would rather not do a traditional registry, but want to save for a downpayment for their first home. They are a sensible sort... thirty, still in grad school. They have many household items and since they will be moving during her residency don't want to carry much more around.
I am not objecting, but they asked me for the weddiquette. Help! Is this done, how to word it, should they give people a choice?--Ann
A: The registry thing is so sticky, since generally people don't know exactly what to do about spreading the word. I think it becomes mildly stickier when the couple wants or needs cash for a particular purpose. From a technical etiquette perspective, registry information should never be published and should always be spread via word of mouth, the Mother of the Bride being one of the more vocal mouths. If the couple is setting up a wedding website I think you can include some casual information there about how they are saving for a first home.
I would caution you about the following two things: the bridal shower and determined guests. It's not customary to bring cash to a bridal shower, so I think that should your daughter really not want any new clutter in her life, she could request a lingerie shower when that time comes. At least then she will get new items that she can always use, and these showers are kind of fun. If she doesn't like this idea, I would suggest another kind of theme shower: such as "Around the Clock" or "Room of the House" or a "Linen Shower " (who doesn't want new 500 thread count sheets?) to limit the random-ness of gifts she might receive. My other point is that there are often guests who simply insist on buying gifts no matter what and they'll just go willy nilly buying whatever suits them. Not always desirable.
As a final note, I just got back from visiting friends who live in Amsterdam. They were telling me about Dutch weddings and about how in Holland when you send a wedding invitation, you often include an empty envelope that says something like "Thank you for your gift towards our new Apartment" on it and sometimes even includes deposit account information. Then, it is often customary in the Thank You card for the Bride and Groom to send photos of what they purchased with the money from their wedding. I do love the practical Dutch!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: My daughter will be married in December in a 100 guest wedding of close family and friends. Giuliana and Marcelo told me that they would rather not do a traditional registry, but want to save for a downpayment for their first home. They are a sensible sort... thirty, still in grad school. They have many household items and since they will be moving during her residency don't want to carry much more around.
I am not objecting, but they asked me for the weddiquette. Help! Is this done, how to word it, should they give people a choice?--Ann
A: The registry thing is so sticky, since generally people don't know exactly what to do about spreading the word. I think it becomes mildly stickier when the couple wants or needs cash for a particular purpose. From a technical etiquette perspective, registry information should never be published and should always be spread via word of mouth, the Mother of the Bride being one of the more vocal mouths. If the couple is setting up a wedding website I think you can include some casual information there about how they are saving for a first home.
I would caution you about the following two things: the bridal shower and determined guests. It's not customary to bring cash to a bridal shower, so I think that should your daughter really not want any new clutter in her life, she could request a lingerie shower when that time comes. At least then she will get new items that she can always use, and these showers are kind of fun. If she doesn't like this idea, I would suggest another kind of theme shower: such as "Around the Clock" or "Room of the House" or a "Linen Shower " (who doesn't want new 500 thread count sheets?) to limit the random-ness of gifts she might receive. My other point is that there are often guests who simply insist on buying gifts no matter what and they'll just go willy nilly buying whatever suits them. Not always desirable.
As a final note, I just got back from visiting friends who live in Amsterdam. They were telling me about Dutch weddings and about how in Holland when you send a wedding invitation, you often include an empty envelope that says something like "Thank you for your gift towards our new Apartment" on it and sometimes even includes deposit account information. Then, it is often customary in the Thank You card for the Bride and Groom to send photos of what they purchased with the money from their wedding. I do love the practical Dutch!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
wediquette: metal mixer
Every week Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: My engagement ring is platinum, but I LOVE all the gold jewelry that's in style right now and think it would compliment my dress better than silver jewelry would. Can you mix and match gold and silver and still look put together?--Pamela
A: I BELIEVE in my heart that you CAN successfully mix gold and platinum (my band is also platinum, so occasionally I do it). The key to doing it well is not letting your other jewelry compete with the hand where your bauble sits (and where your wedding band will be). When you're making your grand entrances and exits, the overall picture will be what people notice- so think earrings and/or necklace if you want to bring in some big, grand gold. However, as the day wears on and your guests want to check out the new wedding band paired with your lovely engagement ring, that should be on a hand and ARM alone without any gold pieces competing with it. I'm on the fence about whether a bracelet on your right hand would be distracting- I think it depends on the piece. To play it safe have fun with the gold as long as it's not within 6 inches of your platinum!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: My engagement ring is platinum, but I LOVE all the gold jewelry that's in style right now and think it would compliment my dress better than silver jewelry would. Can you mix and match gold and silver and still look put together?--Pamela
A: I BELIEVE in my heart that you CAN successfully mix gold and platinum (my band is also platinum, so occasionally I do it). The key to doing it well is not letting your other jewelry compete with the hand where your bauble sits (and where your wedding band will be). When you're making your grand entrances and exits, the overall picture will be what people notice- so think earrings and/or necklace if you want to bring in some big, grand gold. However, as the day wears on and your guests want to check out the new wedding band paired with your lovely engagement ring, that should be on a hand and ARM alone without any gold pieces competing with it. I'm on the fence about whether a bracelet on your right hand would be distracting- I think it depends on the piece. To play it safe have fun with the gold as long as it's not within 6 inches of your platinum!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Thursday, May 17, 2007
wediquette, schmediquette
Every week Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: I'm getting married in September of 2008, and want to have an old Hollywood glam theme incorporated in my wedding. I'm going with deep reds, black details, but I would like to have another color to compliment the 2, because those alone, I feel it would look too goth for what I'm shooting for. Any suggestions on color or ideas?--Bethany
A: Here is what I love about your color scheme- nothing captures the elegance of Old Hollywood like black and red- well, except for SILVER (or one of it's iterations! Nothing says the "silver screen" like amazing platinum accents! This doesn't need to mean metallic charger plates or anything like that (not that those things wouldn't work) but it can mean a pale platinum moire silk underlay or seat cushions. It can mean a pale pale grey bengaline napkin or a silk band of ribbon wrapped around the base of your vases (of flowers filled with gorgeous red blooms!) The key to this color scheme not going goth is to SOFTEN your black without minimizing the contrast. Be careful with the elements of black and red that you choose. If you are renting ballroom chairs, go black. If you are using satin chaircovers go SILVER or pale grey. Make it subtly dramatic, sophisticated glamour, not overkill and you will be the most amazing Rita Hayworth bride this side of Sepulveda!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: I'm getting married in September of 2008, and want to have an old Hollywood glam theme incorporated in my wedding. I'm going with deep reds, black details, but I would like to have another color to compliment the 2, because those alone, I feel it would look too goth for what I'm shooting for. Any suggestions on color or ideas?--Bethany
A: Here is what I love about your color scheme- nothing captures the elegance of Old Hollywood like black and red- well, except for SILVER (or one of it's iterations! Nothing says the "silver screen" like amazing platinum accents! This doesn't need to mean metallic charger plates or anything like that (not that those things wouldn't work) but it can mean a pale platinum moire silk underlay or seat cushions. It can mean a pale pale grey bengaline napkin or a silk band of ribbon wrapped around the base of your vases (of flowers filled with gorgeous red blooms!) The key to this color scheme not going goth is to SOFTEN your black without minimizing the contrast. Be careful with the elements of black and red that you choose. If you are renting ballroom chairs, go black. If you are using satin chaircovers go SILVER or pale grey. Make it subtly dramatic, sophisticated glamour, not overkill and you will be the most amazing Rita Hayworth bride this side of Sepulveda!--Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Monday, May 7, 2007
wediquette, schmediquette
Every week Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: I fell in love with a short Chantilly lace Monique Lhuillier dress and bought it. But now I am having second thoughts since my wedding is in the evening in July (but outdoors in a garden). Is short really appropriate?--SellingMyselfShort
A: First, I should tell you that I'm biased because I wore a tea length dress to my wedding! Also Monique, btw. Here's the thing: etiquette and appropriateness are a lot like abstract painting. It's only BAD when you couldn't do it in any other way! If you are a short dress kind of girl, but know that maybe you "should" be in a gown- make it a point to glam your short dress up with gorgeous heels, an amazing pill box hat & veil perhaps and other gorgeous traditional trappings. Even though evening is more formal, your dress is your dress and it should reflect you! The dress is one key personal stamp that you can put on your day that's unforgettable. If you are a short dress kind of gal, your guests are not going to say "Wow, look at her SHORT dress!",they are going to say "Look at how gorgeous! Of course she is in a short dress!!! It's so her!" Have no fear and hike up your hemline!!! Happy Dancing! --Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: I fell in love with a short Chantilly lace Monique Lhuillier dress and bought it. But now I am having second thoughts since my wedding is in the evening in July (but outdoors in a garden). Is short really appropriate?--SellingMyselfShort
A: First, I should tell you that I'm biased because I wore a tea length dress to my wedding! Also Monique, btw. Here's the thing: etiquette and appropriateness are a lot like abstract painting. It's only BAD when you couldn't do it in any other way! If you are a short dress kind of girl, but know that maybe you "should" be in a gown- make it a point to glam your short dress up with gorgeous heels, an amazing pill box hat & veil perhaps and other gorgeous traditional trappings. Even though evening is more formal, your dress is your dress and it should reflect you! The dress is one key personal stamp that you can put on your day that's unforgettable. If you are a short dress kind of gal, your guests are not going to say "Wow, look at her SHORT dress!",they are going to say "Look at how gorgeous! Of course she is in a short dress!!! It's so her!" Have no fear and hike up your hemline!!! Happy Dancing! --Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Thursday, April 26, 2007
wediquette, schmediquette
Every week Xochitl (pronounced so-cheel), our resident wediquette expert and owner of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting, answers an etiquette question submitted* by one of our readers. So, (without further ado):
Q: After sending out save the date cards, a few people already responded saying they can't come to the wedding. Do I still send them an invitation? Seems rude not to, seems like another push for a present to send it. Help! --Sarah
A: Great question! While it does seem like a bit of pressure for a gift, I think that may just be the courteous bride in you who doesn't want to seem greedy. Even if people say that they can't make it after receiving a save the date we always like to encourage brides to send the formal invite anyway. First, because the truth is, plans change over the course of six months! If these guests rated the A-list for your wedding, if something came up and they were able to make it, wouldn't you hate for them to feel that they'd been "un-invited" or unsure if they were still welcome? But we also encourage invitations because they would probably appreciate knowing that you wanted them to feel included and appreciated. Receiving a wedding invitation is a special thing.
We like to advise our brides to add a personal note with these invitations so that you avoid confusion and alleviate pressure. Sometimes it's nothing more than a small enclosure that says something like: "We know you won't be able to join us, but should plans change, we would love to have you with us."
To just visit the gift issue one more time, it's also not uncommon for brides and grooms to start receiving gifts upon sending out save the dates! Some will be gifts with notes of regrets, but still others will be "engagement" gifts- especially if your Save the Date has information directing them to a website with registry info. So keep that in mind when you send our your first big "mailing" and know that even if you don't post it anywhere, you might want to let your parents know where you are registered. --Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Q: After sending out save the date cards, a few people already responded saying they can't come to the wedding. Do I still send them an invitation? Seems rude not to, seems like another push for a present to send it. Help! --Sarah
A: Great question! While it does seem like a bit of pressure for a gift, I think that may just be the courteous bride in you who doesn't want to seem greedy. Even if people say that they can't make it after receiving a save the date we always like to encourage brides to send the formal invite anyway. First, because the truth is, plans change over the course of six months! If these guests rated the A-list for your wedding, if something came up and they were able to make it, wouldn't you hate for them to feel that they'd been "un-invited" or unsure if they were still welcome? But we also encourage invitations because they would probably appreciate knowing that you wanted them to feel included and appreciated. Receiving a wedding invitation is a special thing.
We like to advise our brides to add a personal note with these invitations so that you avoid confusion and alleviate pressure. Sometimes it's nothing more than a small enclosure that says something like: "We know you won't be able to join us, but should plans change, we would love to have you with us."
To just visit the gift issue one more time, it's also not uncommon for brides and grooms to start receiving gifts upon sending out save the dates! Some will be gifts with notes of regrets, but still others will be "engagement" gifts- especially if your Save the Date has information directing them to a website with registry info. So keep that in mind when you send our your first big "mailing" and know that even if you don't post it anywhere, you might want to let your parents know where you are registered. --Xochitl of Always a Bridesmaid
*If you've got a question for our expert, submit it by clicking "submit your question" in the right hand column, under "wediquette".
Thursday, April 19, 2007
wediquette, shmediquette
I'm pleased to announce that I'm teaming up with Xochitl Gonzalez, of Always a Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting to bring you a new weekly, (or semi-weekly) post about wediquette, entitled "Wediquette, Shmediquette" (I came up with that all by myself).
Anyway... in each "Wediquette, Shmediquette" post Xochitl will answer a question submitted by you. That's right, you. All you have to do is click on "submit question" over there in right hand sidebar under "wediquette". Each week (or so) Xochitl will choose one of your questions and address it. What qualifies Xochitl (pronounced So-cheel) to answer your very sensitive etiquette questions you might ask? Well, it just so happens she's a fantastic, (and certified) Wedding Planner and a tireless wedding coach and she has 7 years of experience in events. She's also recently married herself! You can check out her wedding consulting website here, or visit her blog here. Don't forget to submit your questions. The juicier the better. I want to be entertained!
Anyway... in each "Wediquette, Shmediquette" post Xochitl will answer a question submitted by you. That's right, you. All you have to do is click on "submit question" over there in right hand sidebar under "wediquette". Each week (or so) Xochitl will choose one of your questions and address it. What qualifies Xochitl (pronounced So-cheel) to answer your very sensitive etiquette questions you might ask? Well, it just so happens she's a fantastic, (and certified) Wedding Planner and a tireless wedding coach and she has 7 years of experience in events. She's also recently married herself! You can check out her wedding consulting website here, or visit her blog here. Don't forget to submit your questions. The juicier the better. I want to be entertained!
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